"I Believe In God."

A profound statement when you think about it. The word believe means to have confidence in

the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something. I read that definition and I ask myself;

Manuel, today... March 21st, 2009, do you believe in God? Do you BELIEVE in God? Are you

confident in the truth, existence, and reliability of God? Such a simple question astoundingly

provokes further thought. This is the way I see it...

The question is not whether we think God is real, but whether or not we assume such cliche as a sufficient source of relationship with a living God. We believe but we don't trust. We pray but we don't act. We have faith but even more doubt. We have a calling but more fear. If we claim to "believe in God" and yet these thoughts and attitudes ensnare our lives when do we stop and assess what we truly believe?

To believe in God's ability is to have little faith in our own. Yes, God has crafted us to be unique and talented individuals each bearing the capability to act and think on our own, but as created beings we cannot exceed the capacities of the creator. We will fail, He cannot. We are confused, He sees beginning and end. We are persecuted, He overcame the world. Our only hope is to truly believe Him with our everything. Confessing with our hearts and training our minds to BELIEVE that His word is truth, that He is real, and that He is reliable, that He will neither leave us nor forsake us. When we can come to that understanding is when we can approach the throne of grace knowing full well that we are nothing, but that He chooses to call us something. It is then when we can truly believe in Him.

God, help me to believe in you. Everyday train me to put my undivided trust and faith in who you are; A good, sovereign, all-sufficient, all-powerful, forever loving God. Forgive me when I take control, and teach me to have faith in your provision to mend my hopes, fears, doubts, and struggles. You are enough for me, may live each day proclaiming that. Amen

Shh..God is Speaking

It doesn't take much effort for me to get to church on Sunday morning. It has been a solid part of my weekly schedule for the past few years and has become integrated into my spiritual growth. I love the environment, the people and the common purpose to come together to worship God. But after this morning's service I felt unsatisfied. Not for any particular reason however; worship was phenomenal, Pastor Eric's message was great, the people were warm and welcoming as usual, what was up with me? 

It was obvious I needed to do something about this, so I made a trip out to the Westwood Hills just to walk around and enjoy the beauty of the Napa Valley.  A place full of towering aged trees and multiple mossy paths its a perfect place just to be silent before God and yourself. I realized after being there a while and just talking to God why I felt half-full after church. I felt like God brought me to the conclusion that a structure, organization, church, or even a person cannot fulfill the place of a growing personal relationship with Christ. I realized the I needed to be going to church out of my LOVE for God not out of obligation. 

My hour or two out on the hills really filled me up. The kind of feeling where you just know God is the coolest thing ever. I came to Him with my struggles, my worries; the things most heavy on my heart, and His word was truly a lamp unto my feet. With all of my problems and not knowing where to turn the proverbs said it so perfectly... 

"The Lord gives wisdom, from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding" Prov 2:6

I left Westwood asking God for the wisdom I need for all my concerns, and praying that I would be close enough to hear His voice when His mouth speaks with that knowledge and understanding.

I want to strive toward living life out of my love for God, love for His ways and His will. I learned today that God loves to talk when we are willing to listen.

Glimpses of Faith

I see him walking. A short stride with determined placement of each step. He walks steady, never moving ahead of pace, and never intimidated of what obstacle lay in wait. His shoes are dusted and worn, like those of a man who has never followed the footsteps of another. He carries nothing; nothing but the promise that brought him here: that all his needs will be taken care of. Strangers open their doors, families invite him in to their tables. He will accept open invitations when the wind and rain pick up, but you can see in his face that he has weathered worse. His eyes squint and glare, as if he is always looking toward what it ahead off in the distance, but never reaching it or seeing it fully. He does not waiver, he does not crumble under confusion or lack of clarity. He simply walks. A short stride with determined placement of each step.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Nine

Rain clouds cover the sky keeping my room to a dim glow. The rain falls tenderly, a rhythm that has kept me asleep until now. I rise hastily to put on my clothes, grab my belongings, and rush to breakfast hoping the tea isn’t cold by now. The rustling around, chairs moving, and voices chattering can be heard as I reach the dining hall. Right on time the familiar greetings come, along with smiling faces accompanied by a handshake or hug, “Good Morning brother, Good Morning bhai!” I find my chair next to some friends, and we talk like friends do. The tea isn’t cold, but it could use some more sugar.

English class has me in the education building by nine, and my boys are already there running around. They pull out their pencils and notebooks with an appreciation that amazes me each time, the sincere appreciation of a child who knows the privilege it is to have the opportunity to learn. We finish up by ten, and thus marks the beginning of my studies.

The open air of the dining hall is a perfect setting to contemplate the journey I’ve been taking through my New Testament course. From time to time I glance up at the scenery before me, wondering how in a matter of weeks the rain has brought such life and greenery to the campus. Krishna delightfully disturbs me right at the usual time to ask if I would like more tea, I’ve had enough for this morning… and Revelation already has my mind in full swing.

It’s about forty-five minutes until lunch, and there is not much activity with all the boys in school. I take a stroll up to the watchtower, Bible in my back pocket; tuning my heart and ears to wait on what the message will be for this Sunday. My eyes fall on the right pages, I see it unfold before me, and that indescribable assurance let’s me know the word to be spoken.

Lunch comes and goes, and like a parent waiting for their children, I also wait for my boys to come home from school. I feel some frustration as my discipleship students have new schedules now, we are having a hard time coming together in the afternoon. It is short-lived frustration though, I think the majority of my ministry here at BTC has been outside of a classroom setting anyway.

Gyan, one of my close friends and students comes over to my staff quarter just before tea-time to chat. We discuss our strengths, weaknesses, and future. I look up to Gyan in a sense that he worries about nothing, he can shrug his shoulders and say, “God will take care of it.” I don’t think he has an ounce of doubt in him, and if he does his faith makes up for it.

More tea! And tea-time means that most of the boys will be home from school. I sit with my usual tea-time talkers and like usual we are the last to leave the dining hall. It’s not raining so much today, so cricket out on the field looks enticing.

It’s about an hour before my evening class, and I am still thinking about how great last night’s class went. We are wrapping up our study of Luke, and Jesus’ trial and resurrection had everyone silent. A silence that screamed breakthrough. I cannot even begin to explain the life change I have seen in these men. Three months ago they were on the street; drab, sick, no concern except for their next fix. Tonight they have life in their faces, rice in their stomachs and are fixated on the pure love and sacrifice of Christ our Savior. Handshakes all around after the final prayer, and as if it was the first time I am filled with a joy that is inexpressible…I am witnessing souls being saved and lives full of change.

Dinner is in the dark again tonight, mostly so the bugs don’t fall into our food as they swarm around the lights. I can honestly say that I have eaten more rice in the last eight months than I have eaten in my entire life. It’s definitely a part of me now, and a meal isn’t a meal without rice and daal.

Grab my flashlight and head back to the staff quarter alert as can be. I watch every step, I don’t feel like coming across a scorpion or snake tonight. Amit should be over by nine-thirty to practice keyboard in my quarters, he shows up on time as usual.

Thoughts of home and my friends bring me to my computer. A desire grows in me to let them know that everything is fine. That I am doing well, that I love them and that I wish they could see what I see, and experience what I experience. That just maybe they could catch a glimpse of a single day of my life here. I open my laptop, pray the power doesn’t go out, and put my hands to the keys….Day Two Hundred-Thirty Nine.

Empty Trains and Crowded Skies

It doesn’t take long to see the sheer density of the population here in India. The countryside is occupied by villages, the cities tower with tenements, while the rail, air and roadways channel an insurmountable number of people each day within the country.

On a drive home from Mumbai last week I was inspired as I looked out my passenger window. I saw thousands of people going “somewhere;” from city to city it was the same. Every tenement we passed told a different story, and the lights of the city flickered on and off as people came and went. Children played cricket under a street lamp, teenagers huddled around a street vendor, old and young alike walked to their final destination.

For some reason the thought came to my mind, “What will these cities look like when the faithful are caught up with the Lord in the sky, on that glorious day when in a twinkling of an eye we are transformed into citizens of heaven?”

The thought startled me…where would the scale fall? Would the trains still be packed with unbelief, will these streets still occupy ignorance? There are just over a billion people in the country of India and although the Christian population is growing, a full understanding and acceptance of Christ is far off in the distance. It was people like William Carey, Amy Carmichael and Mother Theresa that embraced the plow to break the ground in this country for the message to be preached. Even today ministries and programs are only laying the foundation for the Church to be built, grow, and spread as the Spirit guides them.

But as I looked out the window, and as I thought of this lost culture I have lived in for the past eight months…I looked upon each face with their eternal destiny in mind, I wasn’t satisfied. Surely we can do better, certainly we can be of more influence, indeed can we love more.

I am willing to give my life for this country, for any country of that matter. Too often I forget that people around our world, in our city, on our streets enter into eternity each moment without knowing their Savior. Lord help us, prepare us, and go before us as we choose to no longer live idly and silent. May we see a day when the streets are deserted, the trains are empty and multitudes are caught up with their Maker in the sky.

Stargazer

Do you ever take a minute or two out of your day to look up at the sky? Do you ever bother to look up into the night and try to comprehend that our God placed each star in its place, that our Lord gazed upon the same constellations and splendor over two thousand years ago? That this place called Earth is not merely a stage that man’s wit and power is flaunted upon, but that it was handcrafted to accommodate you and I?

There is not a day that goes by that you won’t find me with my head in the clouds or my eyes turned skyward admiring the stars. Creation amazes me, no matter how familiar it has become. A mountain range jaggedly cut across a horizon, clouds of the purest white roaming across endless skies. The way an invisible wind can bring a breath of refreshment or a torrent of destruction. How the stars have witnessed every act of man since the beginning.

Since coming to India my eyes have been open to creation in a new way. The natural splendor of this country calls out to every person who is willing to hear it, and I believe that same call rings throughout our world (Romans 1:20). When I look at the stars I am put in my place; I am but one figure, in a minute world, a mere created being. Among the billions of stars and galaxies I am here, with you and the other 6 billion + people living in this world. To think upon the magnitude of creation and to know that we are just a drop in the bucket is humbling. But what amazes me even more is the love that our Maker gives us. That this seemingly insignificant planet has the full love, care, and concern of God. That He sees our coming and going, cares about each of our troubles or needs, sees our need for a savior and loves us with a love that creation could never match. "For God so loved the world…"(John 3:16)

A lot of my songs reflect God’s splendor and majesty, one bridge announces:
"You placed the stars in the sky and gave them reason to shine
and yet You choose to work through my life.
You tell oceans to part and seasons to start.
Oh, how You show me all that You are."

I leave you with a portion of what I call the "Stargazer Psalm"
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard; their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world." (Psalm 19:1-4)

The 7:10 Travesty

It is early morning, standing in the 7:10 train waiting to leave for Bombay. The car is packed of course and the usual businessman take their places as the usual beggars make their rounds. Cologne and body odor fill the car, and the dank residue from the last passengers linger in the air. As we begin to move, I hear bells clang, a small drum play, and singing coming from a small group in the back of the train. "Hare Ram" they sing, praising the chief god over the many other Hindu gods. Soon the majority of people in the train are singing in unison to this god. This continued all the way to Bombay, about an hour and a half. If people got off, they would sing as they went, if they got on they would join in with the rest. I think we made about ten stops that day, in different cities with different people coming and going. But the worship kept playing, the unity remained.

Is it their "god" that keeps them in such commitment? Is there something that the Hindu community has found that has been hidden from the rest of the world? Of course not, Hinduism, i have learned is not something that you choose to believe, it is what a majority of the billion people in this country are born into. It’s not because their "god" has proved himself, done something of great power, or wants relationship with them. Their commitment comes from the fact that these "gods" have been embedded in the very fabric of culture and anyone who desires anything else is shunned.The committment comes from fear and tradition, their gods are just as much a part of culture as they are.

I look at our church today, I look at our relationship with a loving, caring, intimate God and I ask myself, do we as Christians have such faith and unity? Isn’t our country founded on biblical principles? If a small group of people in a train car started singing "Amazing Grace" or some other hymns would our so called Christian community sing as one body, one family to the Lord for the duration of the trip…would people join as they came on and praise God as they left? Or would they say…those people are Baptists or from the Assemblies…that hymn doesn’t align with my doctrine….they are too Pentecostal…that song is too contemporary for me…I only sing at Mass. Have we been led astray in a sense that we love God, but cannot work together or agree with our own Christian brother or sister?

I say this because I have seen a commitment to idol worship that surpasses true worship of the living God, and frankly it disturbs me. The enemy is working hard to make the lost rooted in their hopelessness while encouraging true believers to relax in their committment and bringing dissention inside the church walls.

May we remember today that we are one body, one unit, one family. When one part suffers we all suffer, when one rejoices we all rejoice. I pray we can all pull together so that our lives may reflect the truth we have found to a world that watches our every move.

Romans 12:3-5
1 Corinthians 12:12-27