The Day I Died

"….he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)

I think it was about five years ago, at the altar of a youth winter camp that I knew God was calling me to full time ministry. I remember seeing these twenty-something guys on stage, full of passion for youth ministry, and leading us in worship. I remember thinking if there was anything in the ministry worth doing it was being a youth pastor. Over the next few years I experienced tremendous growth in the Lord, I was becoming "that guy" that I wanted to be. I was the guy in the youth leadership team and worship team, I was the guy in Crimson Innocence, a band me and my close friends and brother started, I was the guy that started the Christian club at school. Things were good, I was growing in the Lord and praying that whatever I would become in this world was only because of what He chose to do through me. But somewhere in the middle of my senior year, that prayer was answered and God really messed me up.

God was directing me to go to a missions based training internship through Global Passion….something that was definitely God and not me. You see I was never the guy at conventions or church meetings that raised his hand because he felt God wanted him to go overseas. I knew being a missionary was a great sacrifice, and at that time in my life it was something I wasn’t willing to do. All I wanted to do was to have my own youth ministry, lead worship in a church somewhere, find a good looking girl, and live the All-American "Christian" Dream...lol. But when Pastor Steve, Pres. of Global Passion, came to my church and spoke at our missions banquet, I knew without a doubt that this internship was where I needed to be….for the first time in my life when the invitation came "with every head bowed and eye closed, if you feel God is tugging at your heart to go to the mission field, I want you to lift up your hand"…my hand was heavy, weighed down with every doubt and thought of fear the enemy could muster, reluctance to give up my dreams of youth ministry, the chance to lead worship, and the worry of EVER finding a girl if I was supposed to live the missionary life.. But by my willingness, and God’s strength my hand went up. It was more than an answer to an altar call, it was the moment that I decided that I would leave every dream, desire, and anything that was of my own understanding, it was the day I completely gave up my life. It was the day I died.

That was February of 06‘, six months later I joined Fuel, the internship of Global Passion. The sacrifice started, I sold my truck (may she be blessed wherever she roams…lol) and worked as much as I could at my job and fundraising to pay for my year. I arrived to find all the other interns with a passion for the mission field, I didn’t have much in comparison, I just was there because I knew God wanted me to.

God had given me a passion for youth and music, how could I be at Global Passion?!!? I had to continue to let go of myself and my preconceived ideas of what God’s purposes were. The more I did this, the more he was able to work and reveal HIS will according to HIS purposes, not mine. Soon enough my heart began to break in greater measure for the lost of this world, especially in those regions where Christ is unknown or of little influence. I was being stretched in new ways and forming habits that would shape the rest of my life. Through study, accountability, discipline, ministry experience, travel and a new love for God’s word, my life was changing yet again. I was happy with what I was becoming and truly believed I was in the middle of God’s will. Later in the year, God began to stir in me a desire to go to India to complete my second year of the internship. After much confirmation through divine appointments, prayer, and God’s word; I accepted it as His will. Again, out of God’s faithfulness the money would come in, and a year later I was on a plane to India.

God is faithful, not just in provision but with the desires of your heart. See I thought I was giving up my passions for youth and music to go to the mission field, but instead God was just showing me where those passions would be most effective. You see, through Fuel I was able to function in the area of my passions and talents with the ministry and with our home based church in Napa. I was able to work with the youth and worship team, and I was able to make friends with some of the greatest people on earth. I met an amazing woman whose passion and life reflect her calling and love for the Lord, one day i will the have the privilege of calling her my wife. I thought I was giving up my wheels…but God blessed me with a vehicle that was GIVEN to me, and it fit all of us interns and our equipment perfectly…many miles, coffee stains, and good times we wouldn’t of had otherwise if I didn’t sell my truck.

Even now in India, everyday I work with teenagers, I pour out my life for them each day so that they too may influence this country for the cause of Christ. I have the chance to lead worship services and have been writing many new worship songs since my arrival.

I used to look at my life with my limitations, praise God that He knows no limitation. His ways are so beyond our comprehension. Sure there has been sacrifice, with any great thing in life there will be. But I am living a dream that I never thought possible, and it is all because of God’s grace, power, and faithfulness. All it takes is our obedience, saying yes to the seemingly impossible, and walking by faith in that God knows what He’s doing. EVERYTHING that I thought I was giving up has been given back, but is being used in a greater measure than I ever thought possible. The greatest thing is…it’s just the beginning!

I write this blog to say that sometimes we have to give up our dreams, let go of our plans and pursue God’s will no matter what our human thinking says. As humans we only see part of the picture, part of the grand scheme of things, God sees our beginning and our end. He sees how He can make the most of our time here on earth and how to get us from point A to point B in the most effective way concerning His kingdom.

You may be reading this at a fork in the road in your own life. Will you choose what you want, what your friends or parents want? Or will you give it all up for the sake of Christ, taking the road less traveled in pursuit of God’s perfect plan? As soon as we are willing He will help us make the commitment; but first we must let go of the norm, the comfortable, and the security of our own thinking, planning, and check-book. He is faithful, God never sets us up for failure but only for the best. Let this encourage you in whatever decisions you may be facing today.

"Therefore, I urge you, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not confirm any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)