Shh..God is Speaking

It doesn't take much effort for me to get to church on Sunday morning. It has been a solid part of my weekly schedule for the past few years and has become integrated into my spiritual growth. I love the environment, the people and the common purpose to come together to worship God. But after this morning's service I felt unsatisfied. Not for any particular reason however; worship was phenomenal, Pastor Eric's message was great, the people were warm and welcoming as usual, what was up with me? 

It was obvious I needed to do something about this, so I made a trip out to the Westwood Hills just to walk around and enjoy the beauty of the Napa Valley.  A place full of towering aged trees and multiple mossy paths its a perfect place just to be silent before God and yourself. I realized after being there a while and just talking to God why I felt half-full after church. I felt like God brought me to the conclusion that a structure, organization, church, or even a person cannot fulfill the place of a growing personal relationship with Christ. I realized the I needed to be going to church out of my LOVE for God not out of obligation. 

My hour or two out on the hills really filled me up. The kind of feeling where you just know God is the coolest thing ever. I came to Him with my struggles, my worries; the things most heavy on my heart, and His word was truly a lamp unto my feet. With all of my problems and not knowing where to turn the proverbs said it so perfectly... 

"The Lord gives wisdom, from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding" Prov 2:6

I left Westwood asking God for the wisdom I need for all my concerns, and praying that I would be close enough to hear His voice when His mouth speaks with that knowledge and understanding.

I want to strive toward living life out of my love for God, love for His ways and His will. I learned today that God loves to talk when we are willing to listen.

Glimpses of Faith

I see him walking. A short stride with determined placement of each step. He walks steady, never moving ahead of pace, and never intimidated of what obstacle lay in wait. His shoes are dusted and worn, like those of a man who has never followed the footsteps of another. He carries nothing; nothing but the promise that brought him here: that all his needs will be taken care of. Strangers open their doors, families invite him in to their tables. He will accept open invitations when the wind and rain pick up, but you can see in his face that he has weathered worse. His eyes squint and glare, as if he is always looking toward what it ahead off in the distance, but never reaching it or seeing it fully. He does not waiver, he does not crumble under confusion or lack of clarity. He simply walks. A short stride with determined placement of each step.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Nine

Rain clouds cover the sky keeping my room to a dim glow. The rain falls tenderly, a rhythm that has kept me asleep until now. I rise hastily to put on my clothes, grab my belongings, and rush to breakfast hoping the tea isn’t cold by now. The rustling around, chairs moving, and voices chattering can be heard as I reach the dining hall. Right on time the familiar greetings come, along with smiling faces accompanied by a handshake or hug, “Good Morning brother, Good Morning bhai!” I find my chair next to some friends, and we talk like friends do. The tea isn’t cold, but it could use some more sugar.

English class has me in the education building by nine, and my boys are already there running around. They pull out their pencils and notebooks with an appreciation that amazes me each time, the sincere appreciation of a child who knows the privilege it is to have the opportunity to learn. We finish up by ten, and thus marks the beginning of my studies.

The open air of the dining hall is a perfect setting to contemplate the journey I’ve been taking through my New Testament course. From time to time I glance up at the scenery before me, wondering how in a matter of weeks the rain has brought such life and greenery to the campus. Krishna delightfully disturbs me right at the usual time to ask if I would like more tea, I’ve had enough for this morning… and Revelation already has my mind in full swing.

It’s about forty-five minutes until lunch, and there is not much activity with all the boys in school. I take a stroll up to the watchtower, Bible in my back pocket; tuning my heart and ears to wait on what the message will be for this Sunday. My eyes fall on the right pages, I see it unfold before me, and that indescribable assurance let’s me know the word to be spoken.

Lunch comes and goes, and like a parent waiting for their children, I also wait for my boys to come home from school. I feel some frustration as my discipleship students have new schedules now, we are having a hard time coming together in the afternoon. It is short-lived frustration though, I think the majority of my ministry here at BTC has been outside of a classroom setting anyway.

Gyan, one of my close friends and students comes over to my staff quarter just before tea-time to chat. We discuss our strengths, weaknesses, and future. I look up to Gyan in a sense that he worries about nothing, he can shrug his shoulders and say, “God will take care of it.” I don’t think he has an ounce of doubt in him, and if he does his faith makes up for it.

More tea! And tea-time means that most of the boys will be home from school. I sit with my usual tea-time talkers and like usual we are the last to leave the dining hall. It’s not raining so much today, so cricket out on the field looks enticing.

It’s about an hour before my evening class, and I am still thinking about how great last night’s class went. We are wrapping up our study of Luke, and Jesus’ trial and resurrection had everyone silent. A silence that screamed breakthrough. I cannot even begin to explain the life change I have seen in these men. Three months ago they were on the street; drab, sick, no concern except for their next fix. Tonight they have life in their faces, rice in their stomachs and are fixated on the pure love and sacrifice of Christ our Savior. Handshakes all around after the final prayer, and as if it was the first time I am filled with a joy that is inexpressible…I am witnessing souls being saved and lives full of change.

Dinner is in the dark again tonight, mostly so the bugs don’t fall into our food as they swarm around the lights. I can honestly say that I have eaten more rice in the last eight months than I have eaten in my entire life. It’s definitely a part of me now, and a meal isn’t a meal without rice and daal.

Grab my flashlight and head back to the staff quarter alert as can be. I watch every step, I don’t feel like coming across a scorpion or snake tonight. Amit should be over by nine-thirty to practice keyboard in my quarters, he shows up on time as usual.

Thoughts of home and my friends bring me to my computer. A desire grows in me to let them know that everything is fine. That I am doing well, that I love them and that I wish they could see what I see, and experience what I experience. That just maybe they could catch a glimpse of a single day of my life here. I open my laptop, pray the power doesn’t go out, and put my hands to the keys….Day Two Hundred-Thirty Nine.

Empty Trains and Crowded Skies

It doesn’t take long to see the sheer density of the population here in India. The countryside is occupied by villages, the cities tower with tenements, while the rail, air and roadways channel an insurmountable number of people each day within the country.

On a drive home from Mumbai last week I was inspired as I looked out my passenger window. I saw thousands of people going “somewhere;” from city to city it was the same. Every tenement we passed told a different story, and the lights of the city flickered on and off as people came and went. Children played cricket under a street lamp, teenagers huddled around a street vendor, old and young alike walked to their final destination.

For some reason the thought came to my mind, “What will these cities look like when the faithful are caught up with the Lord in the sky, on that glorious day when in a twinkling of an eye we are transformed into citizens of heaven?”

The thought startled me…where would the scale fall? Would the trains still be packed with unbelief, will these streets still occupy ignorance? There are just over a billion people in the country of India and although the Christian population is growing, a full understanding and acceptance of Christ is far off in the distance. It was people like William Carey, Amy Carmichael and Mother Theresa that embraced the plow to break the ground in this country for the message to be preached. Even today ministries and programs are only laying the foundation for the Church to be built, grow, and spread as the Spirit guides them.

But as I looked out the window, and as I thought of this lost culture I have lived in for the past eight months…I looked upon each face with their eternal destiny in mind, I wasn’t satisfied. Surely we can do better, certainly we can be of more influence, indeed can we love more.

I am willing to give my life for this country, for any country of that matter. Too often I forget that people around our world, in our city, on our streets enter into eternity each moment without knowing their Savior. Lord help us, prepare us, and go before us as we choose to no longer live idly and silent. May we see a day when the streets are deserted, the trains are empty and multitudes are caught up with their Maker in the sky.

Stargazer

Do you ever take a minute or two out of your day to look up at the sky? Do you ever bother to look up into the night and try to comprehend that our God placed each star in its place, that our Lord gazed upon the same constellations and splendor over two thousand years ago? That this place called Earth is not merely a stage that man’s wit and power is flaunted upon, but that it was handcrafted to accommodate you and I?

There is not a day that goes by that you won’t find me with my head in the clouds or my eyes turned skyward admiring the stars. Creation amazes me, no matter how familiar it has become. A mountain range jaggedly cut across a horizon, clouds of the purest white roaming across endless skies. The way an invisible wind can bring a breath of refreshment or a torrent of destruction. How the stars have witnessed every act of man since the beginning.

Since coming to India my eyes have been open to creation in a new way. The natural splendor of this country calls out to every person who is willing to hear it, and I believe that same call rings throughout our world (Romans 1:20). When I look at the stars I am put in my place; I am but one figure, in a minute world, a mere created being. Among the billions of stars and galaxies I am here, with you and the other 6 billion + people living in this world. To think upon the magnitude of creation and to know that we are just a drop in the bucket is humbling. But what amazes me even more is the love that our Maker gives us. That this seemingly insignificant planet has the full love, care, and concern of God. That He sees our coming and going, cares about each of our troubles or needs, sees our need for a savior and loves us with a love that creation could never match. "For God so loved the world…"(John 3:16)

A lot of my songs reflect God’s splendor and majesty, one bridge announces:
"You placed the stars in the sky and gave them reason to shine
and yet You choose to work through my life.
You tell oceans to part and seasons to start.
Oh, how You show me all that You are."

I leave you with a portion of what I call the "Stargazer Psalm"
"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard; their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the end of the world." (Psalm 19:1-4)

The 7:10 Travesty

It is early morning, standing in the 7:10 train waiting to leave for Bombay. The car is packed of course and the usual businessman take their places as the usual beggars make their rounds. Cologne and body odor fill the car, and the dank residue from the last passengers linger in the air. As we begin to move, I hear bells clang, a small drum play, and singing coming from a small group in the back of the train. "Hare Ram" they sing, praising the chief god over the many other Hindu gods. Soon the majority of people in the train are singing in unison to this god. This continued all the way to Bombay, about an hour and a half. If people got off, they would sing as they went, if they got on they would join in with the rest. I think we made about ten stops that day, in different cities with different people coming and going. But the worship kept playing, the unity remained.

Is it their "god" that keeps them in such commitment? Is there something that the Hindu community has found that has been hidden from the rest of the world? Of course not, Hinduism, i have learned is not something that you choose to believe, it is what a majority of the billion people in this country are born into. It’s not because their "god" has proved himself, done something of great power, or wants relationship with them. Their commitment comes from the fact that these "gods" have been embedded in the very fabric of culture and anyone who desires anything else is shunned.The committment comes from fear and tradition, their gods are just as much a part of culture as they are.

I look at our church today, I look at our relationship with a loving, caring, intimate God and I ask myself, do we as Christians have such faith and unity? Isn’t our country founded on biblical principles? If a small group of people in a train car started singing "Amazing Grace" or some other hymns would our so called Christian community sing as one body, one family to the Lord for the duration of the trip…would people join as they came on and praise God as they left? Or would they say…those people are Baptists or from the Assemblies…that hymn doesn’t align with my doctrine….they are too Pentecostal…that song is too contemporary for me…I only sing at Mass. Have we been led astray in a sense that we love God, but cannot work together or agree with our own Christian brother or sister?

I say this because I have seen a commitment to idol worship that surpasses true worship of the living God, and frankly it disturbs me. The enemy is working hard to make the lost rooted in their hopelessness while encouraging true believers to relax in their committment and bringing dissention inside the church walls.

May we remember today that we are one body, one unit, one family. When one part suffers we all suffer, when one rejoices we all rejoice. I pray we can all pull together so that our lives may reflect the truth we have found to a world that watches our every move.

Romans 12:3-5
1 Corinthians 12:12-27

The Heart of Habakkuk

"Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy." (Habakkuk 3:2 NIV)

Habakkuk, a man who dedicated his life to encourage the remnant in Judah to stay faithful even though a majority of the nation had turned away from the living God. Besides being a mouthful, Habakkuk displays a tremendous desperation for God to move in his nation and generation. He prays what I believe should be echoed by every ministry, church, pastor, and Christ follower in the world…Let us not be a generation to only hear of who you were and be amazed at what you did, but us look to who you are and what you are doing. Let your glory rain in our desolate, disobedient cultures and be merciful on us as work among them.

I believe the heart of Habakkuk was that he was unsatisfied with the hearsay of God’s works. I‘m surprised he didn‘t say "The parting of the Red Sea thing was great, but can you show us that same power and provision today?" He held his nation’s past close to his heart, but his passion was that God continue to work in mighty ways among his people. May that be our heart as well, let us thank God for what he has done for us in our past, but may yesterday’s faith not be sufficient for today. Let us unite with unrelenting passion and prayer that God would continue to accomplish remarkable things among us today.

Stop This Train

The days seem to be in a hurry lately and months have become less patient. Time is going and there is no way to call it back, it rolls on like a steam engine headed for its final destination and for me, that will be my only stop. My time in India has been more fulfilling than I ever thought possible, I have made so many new friends, gained so much experience, and I have memories to last a lifetime. But this is the question that is haunting....more than the fun, the people, the challenges, and the great stories.... what am I leaving behind?

People come and people go, it’s hard to say goodbye to people you have written pages and pages of your life with. Most come and contribute their time and energy and like an earthquake things are happening, things are moving, but eventually the ground stops shaking, eventually whatever was happening comes to a halt. I have seen it over and over again with the teams that have come to help serve BTC, they come booming and declaring revival and freedom in this land, and for the time they are with us the earth is shaking with God’s glory. But eventually they leave, and that passion always seems to leave with them. So what sets apart the earth shakers from the earth changers? Let me put it this way:

I used to work on a ranch in high school, one of my jobs was to make sure that weeds weren’t growing out of control everywhere. I remember that every now and then I would find these enormous 3ft tall weeds in the most indiscreet places, behind a barrel, in the corner of a barn. And all around them would be full of other weeds because of the seed the large one was able to drop as it grew. So one weed, allowed to grow, multiplied itself for others to grow, and turned a inconspicuous place into another area with more work for me.

So what’s the point? The difference from an earth shaker to an earth changer is that an earth changer, like the weeds in my story, choose to grow and produce where they can. In most cases it might not be center-stage or in the most dignified position. But wherever they are at, they grow. They produce an environment for others to grow with them, so that even though they may be behind the scenes, a great impact is being made in themselves, in the people around them, and in the area around them.

I might not be able to stop this train or ever harness time. But wherever I am I know that I can help others grow, my passion and calling is to see others reach their full potential and that has been my life-song working with my students. I may never change the world, I may never have a booming ministry or the greatest stories to tell you, and nobody may remember me for the things i do on earth. I pray that when all is said and done, and when the tracks finally reach their end, Jesus welcomes me home and says. “You never changed the world Manuel, but you raised up generations that won’t stop trying.”

Ol' Jerry and I

“ Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, ‘Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.’” (Jeremiah 1:9-10)

This verse has had a profound effect on me since the moment I received it. I cannot escape the small voice in my mind, and tug at my heart that tell me this verse coincides with a direct call on my life as well. I understand that the context of this verse is God directly speaking to Jeremiah, not a promise to every believer. But every time I read this verse it is as if God saying, “ Manuel, Here is my provision and direction to a man whose call mirrors your own.”

It wasn’t until recently that I understood what this verse actually means and why it has had such an intense effect on me spiritually. I have mostly characterized this verse with a conqueror-like approach; physically eliminating corrupt governments and false teachers, crushing idols and removing temples, building churches and proclaiming the gospel, bringing many to salvation and turning lost souls around….kind of extreme right? But in one swift revelation my thoughts were turned inside out and I began to understand why this verse, of all scripture screamed… That’s you!

One evening I was praying for the new program men that had just arrived earlier that week. We were about a few days into our bible study and I was taking almost every minute of my prep time in solid prayer. I think I should coin the term “Rambo prayer” because I was shooting down every fear, blowing up every kind of doubt, and killing the roots of deceptiveness on behalf of these men. And it was when the adrenaline died down that I picked up my bible and found myself at this verse.

I wept, tears fell in their familiar places along the page, and for the first time I understood why this verse was so special to me: Like Jeremiah God has appointed me to a specific place, for now it is in India. Like Jeremiah I am called to remove and restore. But then I thought, when was the last time I heard of Jeremiah being a mighty warrior like David, Saul or Joshua? The truth is, he never was! Jeremiah’s tearing down, uprooting, and building was in turning a people back to Christ. Jeremiah spoke words of repentance and recommitment to God, that their unbelief would be done away with, their faith encouraged and built up.

It made sense, and I was overwhelmed by the power and grace of God. For the past six months I have been living this verse unknowingly. My main purpose at BTC has been in the areas of teaching and discipleship. Like a flood I realized that “with his words in my mouth” I have been uprooting disbelief, tearing down strongholds, and building a new, everlasting kingdom in the lives of all those God has “appointed” me to. It‘s not the work of a mighty conqueror, but that of a servant. And although I have been unaware, God has been using me to work in the lives of these men doing the same thing that he called Jeremiah to do…to bring a people back to Himself.

Aspiring Apologist

I am currently in the position of teaching 20+ men foundational bible doctrine. Most of these men come from backgrounds of serving other gods and a history of idol worship. They question the accuracy of the bible, the savior-quality of Jesus, and the existence of one true God. Their faith varies across the board; some are desperate for a savior, others are content without one, while still others believe that hope lies at the base of an idol.

I remember the first few times we met for class, I could feel their deep hopelessness, a feeling I have forgotten since I found Christ. And now that same hopelessness was staring me in the face, through the eyes of men who have known nothing else but life without a savior, a hopelessness that has never shown its face to the hollow soul it dwells in, only the façade of contentment. Contentment without its counterpart, content without Hope.

Yet I have found favor in those same eyes. It may be my skin color, or the joy I carry in their presence. They have accepted me, respect my teaching, and are interested in my love for a culture and people unlike myself. They have learned to accept the believer in Christ, but may they soon see that it is Christ in me that they have accepted, and desire His presence in their lives as well.

I am a teacher, but by the grace of God He has taught me to be an apologist as well, a defender of the faith. So many of their questions arise out of anger, resentment, or confusion. That wasn’t so the first week we met, praise God that something is stirring in their hearts! I have learned to answer in love, truth, and application and it has served me well. I have found that there is no reason to fear questioning and no reason to reply in an imposing manner. I don’t fear the reliability of my faith, and that in itself may minister to the questioner more than the answer to the initial question. God’s word is sufficient and it is truly a miracle as verses flash to mind and illustrations form even as a question is being asked.

I leave those classes feeling encouraged, discouraged, and challenged simultaneously. I sense the pain Jesus felt as people would walk with him, see his miracles, hear his teaching and yet still not believe he was the son of God. The pain of knowing that someone is so close to redemption, but not willing to receive it. I have been saturated in intercession for these men, and fighting for their salvation and for that road to be made straight and clear.
But more so, may a desire for Jesus well up in their souls. A desire that crushes the face of hopelessness and reveals the void that lay beneath. May they be willing to let Jesus fill the space that was meant for him since the day they were born.

Lord of the Flies

"I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you." (Luke 10:19)

It was about ten til’ seven and I was walking to get to my evening bible class, I soon learned that class got cancelled due to a movie night for the guys. No problem, I figured I would use the extra time to walk around the grounds, it was fairly nice weather to go for a walk. As I was walking up the road I met Jyoti and a couple other of the small boys and talked to them for a while, then continued up the road toward the tower. As I was going I remember dropping my keys, and as I was picking them up I hear screaming from down the road…"Manuel! Manuel!" It was Jyoti, and I quickly realized what she was screaming about. A wild bore, about the size of a small bear (no exaggeration) had broke through the barbed wire fencing and was running full speed through one of the fields headed toward the front gate. No big deal at first, but then after seeing me, it changed direction and was now barreling toward me.

I remember the boys telling me to watch out for these wild pigs because they have seriously injured and even killed people in neighboring villages. But never until this moment had I ever seen one, and now it was too close for comfort.

My instincts had me flying back down the road, but as I glanced back the possessed pig was right on my tail, grunting and snorting with its ugly charred black face. It was about five feet behind me when I made a quick turn off the road and into the field below, the bore continued straight and then broke through another fence and back into the brush. I couldn’t believe what just happened, I just got run down by a bore!

I learned later that only moments before the bore had tried to kill one of the dogs here, and I guess on his way out he wanted a taste of some white meat. Jyoti and the boys were shaking as they came to see how I was, I guess they have seen the worst of pig attacks so they kept saying "God is with you, God is with you" He definitely was. I will probably never forget that experience.

To this point in India I have dealt with snakes and scorpions…there are plenty of them here, but I think Jesus should have added "I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions....and outrun the wild bore."

I always wondered how training for that 199 Mile race last year would be useful on the mission field…..now I know.

Sri Lanka

"There hasn’t been a bombing in 4 days….. things are pretty calm."

One of the first comments I hear on arriving into Colombo, Sri Lanka. I quickly noticed armed men scattered every hundred yards or so on many of the main roads with machine guns in hand. Checkpoints are scattered throughout the city to monitor what or who is coming in and out. Hand to hand combat continues only a hundred miles of where I sleep tonight and in the morning the news will report the 110 casualties that took place. I see the damaged intersection where the last bus blew up, and as a government bus is stopped next to us at a red light, I pray that this one won’t be the next. I hear stories of missing relief workers and persecuted Christians, people beaten for what they believe and killed for lack of conformity to the country’s Buddhist philosophy. Tamil Hindus vs. Sri Lankan Buddhists, and everyone else is effected by this civil war.
I never expected any this going into Sri Lanka for my visa getaway. But soon I understood that for this missionary family I was staying with, it was normal, a way of life that they have grown accustomed to over the past few years. It all seemed unrealistic as I took this in, but it was and has been very real to this family, and every other that serves in a war torn or persecuted country. My heart has always gone out to the persecuted church, but never have I experienced what it means to be a member of one. I definitely have a desire to work more with such churches now that I have seen that it can be such chaos and a struggle at times.

I really put into perspective the limited freedom I have in Mumbai, and the freedom I have in the U.S. The persecuted church faces much opposition for holding a single outreach or building project and in some cases regular church meetings. I have certain freedoms here in Mumbai people wish they had elsewhere, even more within the U.S. This trip really encouraged me to intercede more for the persecuted church, and to exercise the freedom I do have within ministry in India and the U.S.
Let us check our surroundings, may we not wait until there are soldiers on our streets or the day when our faith is illegal to decide and do something, we have our freedom now… let us use it.

Thoughts Personified

I am tempted to become idle
Each passion is persuaded to be still
Selfishness says he needs more time
While Doubt suggests this is far from God’s will
Frustration would love for me give up
My enemies might find rest if I would
For day and night they toil against me
But day and night my God and I have stood
War rages inside me
A battle for the heart of man
Good and Evil collide restlessly
But the victor is chosen by my own hand

Where is joy in a time such as this?
How is it possible to persevere?
Can faith hold me much longer?
What keeps me from losing zeal?

Adoration is my close friend
Love has marked my words
Confession and I meet daily
While Praise does not go unheard
I find Faith in the quiet
Peace in a moment of surrender
Strength in a burst of laughter
Humility at the thought of forever
I dine with Holiness
For it is what I am called to be
Compassion has found me breathless
For where it ends I have not seen

Sweet Spirit of God
From which every gift is good
Call my heart your dwelling place
Let your wisdom be understood
Do not depart from me or refuse me of your advice
May You enforce Your will and make each step concise
Only You can call me to be still, only by you will this heart be enticed
Never will I back down, but by Your side I will fight

A-Z

Above all else You are
Breath of life on earth
Creation groans in anticipation

Desperation reviles our cities
Eternity starts at a climactic choice
Freedom will test our love.

Grant us favor sovereign maker
Hear the prayer of sinful man
Illuminate what remains unseen.

Justice will prevail once again
Kingdoms will shudder and dissolve
Liberation will await the perseverant.

Mark your chosen by wisdom
Negate our blatant folly
Oppose our oppressors.

Promiscuity for the promiscuous
Quarrels for the quarrelsome
Righteousness for the redeemed.

Sustain our blessed hope
Teach our hands to serve
Unite our passion to love
Vindicate our lives to live.

Watchmen will mark nightfall
X will mark our treasure as He descends
Yahweh in glory will bring:
Zion, with proclamation of her King

And the award goes to....

As part of my Global University studies I started my Old Testament class this month. I have completed 13 courses with GU and with only 6 left I can apply for licensing with the Assemblies of God. I’ve learned a lot to say the least, when you allow the Spirit to lead it’s not just a bunch of doctrine or theological right and wrong, it’s the encouragement of the heart, the increase in knowledge, and a deeper love for the Word and standard God has blessed us with to live by; a blessing that reaches far beyond the pages of any textbook or commentary.

I have to be honest when I say I was NOT looking forward to my OT class. The textbook is a monster with 800+ pages and also with a strong recommendation to read the Old Testament as you go along. I could see it already, me sitting with my bible and this behemoth of a text book for months and not understanding a single word. However, this class has been just the opposite. I have learned so much and it has been really worth the reading. Studying the patriarchs, the character of God, and history and geography of the Holy Land has been mind blowing. It’s also not taking as much time as I thought it would be.

The thing that has stood out the most though is God’s precision. From creation in Genesis to the blueprints of the Tabernacle in Exodus, God’s precision and organization is truly out of this world.

In India, organization is like pulling teeth, there are stoplights that serve as suggestions rather than commands, and a six o’clock meeting is mostly always at least an hour later or cancelled because of a last minute stop for tea. With that in mind, believers here tend to think that God is a kick-back God also, and that time or efficiency really isn’t a big issue. God is put in the box of their own cultural understanding.

In the states we live with the blessings of an organized economy (for the most part)
efficient service, the highest quality technology, and 3 second-out-the-door microwave pop tarts(that’s for you Ang) If the service isn’t good enough we want our money back, and if it takes too long then forget it, someone else can do it faster. Now this might hurt, but is that our expectation of God also? Do we place God in the box of our culture?

I’ve given two extreme sides of the spectrum and I have to admit that I get caught up in the 3 second pop-tart view all the time. I expect God to be on it, hear my prayer and within three seconds I should be out the door with what I want. I am learning God doesn’t always work that way…with Nehemiah he said a prayer, and gained almost immediate favor with the King of Persia, with Abraham it took some time to finally get his promised son Isaac. In each instance God’s precision was evident, his timing perfect. So many questions we have…why, when, how God?!?! Biblical history shows God was always on time and his word is always fulfilled, no matter the circumstance, person, or cultural influence. The God that worked with Abraham, Moses, and David is the same God that works with us today.

Today’s revelation: We serve a perfect God who is precise and he holds the all-time perfect attendance and punctuality award…

The Day I Died

"….he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)

I think it was about five years ago, at the altar of a youth winter camp that I knew God was calling me to full time ministry. I remember seeing these twenty-something guys on stage, full of passion for youth ministry, and leading us in worship. I remember thinking if there was anything in the ministry worth doing it was being a youth pastor. Over the next few years I experienced tremendous growth in the Lord, I was becoming "that guy" that I wanted to be. I was the guy in the youth leadership team and worship team, I was the guy in Crimson Innocence, a band me and my close friends and brother started, I was the guy that started the Christian club at school. Things were good, I was growing in the Lord and praying that whatever I would become in this world was only because of what He chose to do through me. But somewhere in the middle of my senior year, that prayer was answered and God really messed me up.

God was directing me to go to a missions based training internship through Global Passion….something that was definitely God and not me. You see I was never the guy at conventions or church meetings that raised his hand because he felt God wanted him to go overseas. I knew being a missionary was a great sacrifice, and at that time in my life it was something I wasn’t willing to do. All I wanted to do was to have my own youth ministry, lead worship in a church somewhere, find a good looking girl, and live the All-American "Christian" Dream...lol. But when Pastor Steve, Pres. of Global Passion, came to my church and spoke at our missions banquet, I knew without a doubt that this internship was where I needed to be….for the first time in my life when the invitation came "with every head bowed and eye closed, if you feel God is tugging at your heart to go to the mission field, I want you to lift up your hand"…my hand was heavy, weighed down with every doubt and thought of fear the enemy could muster, reluctance to give up my dreams of youth ministry, the chance to lead worship, and the worry of EVER finding a girl if I was supposed to live the missionary life.. But by my willingness, and God’s strength my hand went up. It was more than an answer to an altar call, it was the moment that I decided that I would leave every dream, desire, and anything that was of my own understanding, it was the day I completely gave up my life. It was the day I died.

That was February of 06‘, six months later I joined Fuel, the internship of Global Passion. The sacrifice started, I sold my truck (may she be blessed wherever she roams…lol) and worked as much as I could at my job and fundraising to pay for my year. I arrived to find all the other interns with a passion for the mission field, I didn’t have much in comparison, I just was there because I knew God wanted me to.

God had given me a passion for youth and music, how could I be at Global Passion?!!? I had to continue to let go of myself and my preconceived ideas of what God’s purposes were. The more I did this, the more he was able to work and reveal HIS will according to HIS purposes, not mine. Soon enough my heart began to break in greater measure for the lost of this world, especially in those regions where Christ is unknown or of little influence. I was being stretched in new ways and forming habits that would shape the rest of my life. Through study, accountability, discipline, ministry experience, travel and a new love for God’s word, my life was changing yet again. I was happy with what I was becoming and truly believed I was in the middle of God’s will. Later in the year, God began to stir in me a desire to go to India to complete my second year of the internship. After much confirmation through divine appointments, prayer, and God’s word; I accepted it as His will. Again, out of God’s faithfulness the money would come in, and a year later I was on a plane to India.

God is faithful, not just in provision but with the desires of your heart. See I thought I was giving up my passions for youth and music to go to the mission field, but instead God was just showing me where those passions would be most effective. You see, through Fuel I was able to function in the area of my passions and talents with the ministry and with our home based church in Napa. I was able to work with the youth and worship team, and I was able to make friends with some of the greatest people on earth. I met an amazing woman whose passion and life reflect her calling and love for the Lord, one day i will the have the privilege of calling her my wife. I thought I was giving up my wheels…but God blessed me with a vehicle that was GIVEN to me, and it fit all of us interns and our equipment perfectly…many miles, coffee stains, and good times we wouldn’t of had otherwise if I didn’t sell my truck.

Even now in India, everyday I work with teenagers, I pour out my life for them each day so that they too may influence this country for the cause of Christ. I have the chance to lead worship services and have been writing many new worship songs since my arrival.

I used to look at my life with my limitations, praise God that He knows no limitation. His ways are so beyond our comprehension. Sure there has been sacrifice, with any great thing in life there will be. But I am living a dream that I never thought possible, and it is all because of God’s grace, power, and faithfulness. All it takes is our obedience, saying yes to the seemingly impossible, and walking by faith in that God knows what He’s doing. EVERYTHING that I thought I was giving up has been given back, but is being used in a greater measure than I ever thought possible. The greatest thing is…it’s just the beginning!

I write this blog to say that sometimes we have to give up our dreams, let go of our plans and pursue God’s will no matter what our human thinking says. As humans we only see part of the picture, part of the grand scheme of things, God sees our beginning and our end. He sees how He can make the most of our time here on earth and how to get us from point A to point B in the most effective way concerning His kingdom.

You may be reading this at a fork in the road in your own life. Will you choose what you want, what your friends or parents want? Or will you give it all up for the sake of Christ, taking the road less traveled in pursuit of God’s perfect plan? As soon as we are willing He will help us make the commitment; but first we must let go of the norm, the comfortable, and the security of our own thinking, planning, and check-book. He is faithful, God never sets us up for failure but only for the best. Let this encourage you in whatever decisions you may be facing today.

"Therefore, I urge you, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not confirm any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing, and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)

Shop Window Revelation

A few weeks ago I was walking to my friend Michael’s house. I passed an idol shop, full of statues, and pictures of animal gods and even people that Hindus worship. Among the idols and pictures of Mohammed and Buddha was a picture of Jesus. My heart broke because most don’t understand that He is THE one and only God, to the Hindu people he is just another man, another idol to burn their incense to. I see the devotion of the Hindu people each day, their different rituals and customs played to perfection. Each night I hear the children of neighboring villages chant their mantras and sing their songs. In the city they parade with music and dancing, words are spoken, but in hopes of what? I’ve seen men with their hands clasped together in front of their hideous idol in the temple, crying, shouting, hoping that this clay image will hear their request. Lost, these people are lost and their only hope is stuffed in a shop window with thousands of other so called deities.

Each night I pray for the church to rise up, I pray for the believers in each village to be full of boldness and wisdom in proclaiming their faith. I pray that Muslims and Hindus in India would lose hope in their gods, that their hunger would increase for truth and they would realize that their man made idols and beliefs are useless, only giving false hope. I pray for desperation in the hearts of all for the living God, and that all around this country people would cry out to the one called Faithful and True, and that He would answer their call in miraculous ways. I pray that God would continue to use me in equipping the ones I am around daily, and to continue to open doors to witness on the trains and cities. Not by wit or knowledge do we overcome evil in this world but "by the blood of the lamb, and the word of our testimony" (Revelation 12:11) Please pray for the believers as well as for the unbelievers in India and in our world. People depart this earth each day uncertain or in false hope of their eternity. Pray that His will be played out to perfection in each carrier of His Holy Spirit, to reach a lost and dying world.

May kingdom come, but may the Lord grant us more time to proclaim salvation.

Day One-Hundred and Twenty-Two

Sometimes I think this is all a dream. Walking down streets with a people unlike myself, in a culture that I have never experienced before. People selling fish, vegetables, and merchandise along the road, shouting prices and bartering with customers. The smells are free in India, and that can be a good or bad thing depending on where you are at in the city.

Eyes are always watching, in the train, in the rickshaw, on the street; the sight of a foreigner outside of the big city is rare. It’s an interesting feeling being such a small minority among the Hindus and Muslims. They are warm and loving but their hearts have gone astray, and my heart goes out to them. Such a vast display of faces, their eyes will tell their story.

My family and closest friends are thousands of miles away and we live a day apart. I dream of driving down the interstate to meet friends or just being in my home again. It’s the weekend, a cold Pepsi and a candy bar is the highlight of my day, and hearing the voice of loved ones back home confirms that a world goes on outside of this place I am in.

My brothers are now many, and we all try to deny that I am leaving someday. I have become a mentor to young and old and a friend to all. They call me Prem, which means love. For love is my ministry, a ministry of the heart. A love for this culture, a love for these people, and living my love for Christ.

Sometimes I wake up in the morning with the fresh revelation that I am in India, God’s will has never been so tangible, and each day must be surrendered or lost in time. Time management has never been more important. Listen to a clock tick, those seconds will never be brought back to life again. As fast as they come, they go, and we are responsible with what happens in between.

The truth is that this is not a dream but a reality that is of God and for God. It is the most incomprehensible thing ever. I never thought that this is where I would be in this stage of my life, but it is the most fulfilling, rewarding and most trying thing I have ever attempted. Allen Graham, missionary to Zimbabwe once said "I was born for days like this." I think I am beginning to understand what he meant. All I am was made for a time like today, every experience in my life has led up to this moment….

Day one-hundred and twenty-two....what will tomorrow bring?